Ashleigh Paige

I'm a full-time college sophomore pursuing my B.A. in English with hopes of one day working as an editor. Cats, musicals, documentaries about cults/disasters/tragedies, and curse words are just a few of my favorite things. Also, check out our blog or I WILL FIND YOU.


Swear - Nina Malkin I received my copy of Swear through Simon & Schuster Galley Grab. Now that we have this out of the way, I can do my thing. This isn't even worth my blog's time, so we have another Goodreads original.This book is a hot mess of the worst kind. No, this entire series is a hot mess of the worst kind. I was not a fan of Swoon, but I decided to take a stab at Swear and see if it could get any better. If not, well, I would have more snark bait.Oh, if only I could take another stab at the book, only with a physical copy of the book and a good butcher knife.But first, do something for me. Turn half of your mouth up in a smile, and turn the other half down like you're frowning. Now look in the mirror. Is that "skewed smile" attractive? Probably not. Apparently, this is now Sin smiles and it's really attractive or something. Okay, let's move on.In just 135 pages, we have trivialization of drug use again, racial stereotyping, stilted writing, unfortunate implications, horrible imagery (hair the general size and shape of a wedding cake) and description to the point where I have to reread a scene multiple times to figure out what's going on, and more that I can't even begin to get into. My friend Katya is reading the book as I write this and it appears that the book gets no better.The book opens by bringing you a piping hot plate of Unfortunate Implications and shoving it up your nose. See, after she and Sin had their night of crazy hot sex, Dice woke up and found a little blue bruise on the inside of one of her thighs. After six months, the bruise still hasn't faded and occasionally pulses with pain bad enough to double her over. Because sex with your true love means painful magical bruises, right? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA no. When this is what a book starts with, it's not going to be pretty.Wait, there are double standards too. I almost forgot about those.We have Sin, who had sex with half the residents of Swoon last time he was in town. He never had any official relationship with Dice; they just said they loved each other and had one night of crazy hot monkey sex before he disappeared without any explanation (and left her with a magical bruise that never goes away). Then Dice goes and kisses Tosh, just kisses, and Sin comes storming in moody as hell because she had no right to do that when she said she loved him (Sin).As many have said at one point or another:WHAT KIND OF FUCKERY IS THIS?!No. That double standard bullshit does not fly in this house! (Last time it did, it broke a priceless vase, the cat's leg, and three sets of curtains. Long story.) So Sin can sleep with half the town and it's okay, but Dice can't so much as kiss another guy because it's wrong and she's OMG cheating on him? How dare she try to move on with her life!Fuck that. If he can have crazy monkey sex with everyone in town, then I think she has the right to kiss another guy. And then she goes making excuses for his asshattery! That sound was me facepalming the keyboard and then presing backspace.So if I hated it so much and it's such an utter piece of double-standard-pushing bullshit, why two stars? Well, that second star is my once-removed drunken cousin the mercy star. For all of Swear's flaws, it at least has a plot and at the point where I quit, they were still pursuing the plot. That is much better than some YA paranormals do, and so I award Swear a mercy star. Other books better not get their hopes up. This doesn't happen very often.Fuck this book, this series, Sin, Dice, their assorted friends, all their upper-class hijinks, and that little vegetable garden Dice is keeping. Fuck it all. I'll leave it to the Starship Rangers to take care of this.Read: 163 out of 472 pages (35%)